The idea of an in-between relationship, something more intimate than a friendship but less committed than a committed dating relationship has existed forever. But, in 2026, the situationship is something beyond an undefined, casual, or ambiguous relationship. It is is an abomination meant to allow people to fully avoid the friction or discomfort essential to the healthy functioning of close interpersonal relationships.
Let me explain.
Am I in a situationship or something else?
Sometimes people think they are in a situationship because it is the most popular term for undefined relationships today. However, the most common ambiguous or in-between relationship is a friends with benefits relationship (FWBR). Research on FWBRs identified seven types of these relationships varying in how close their friendship is and whether or not there has ever been an intention of a romantic relationship developing (e.g., Mongeau et al., 2013):
True friends are close friends who have sex on occasion - your classic FWBR.
Just sex FWBRs are not friends. People in these relationships only communicate to set up having sex. This might otherwise be called a booty call.
Network opportunism FWBRs are casual friends (or friends of friends) who have sex when they happen to be out together and don’t find another person to hook up with. You go out to the bar with your extended friend group and have a pact to go home together at the end of the night.
Transition in FWBRs are when the friends with benefits part of the arrangement came before the development of a romantic relationship:
Successful transition in - one partner used a FWBR to encourage the other person to consider a romantic relationship, and it worked.
Unintentional transition in - both partners wanted a true FWBR, but they developed feelings and decided to become exclusive dating partners.
Failed transition in - one or both partners used the FWBR to try to get to something more, but it didn’t work out.
Transition out FWBRs are those arrangements that came after the end of a romantic relationship, aka, your failed break ups.
For some people reading this post, you may have just realized that what you thought was a situationship was actually a FWBR - and if that is the case, I hope it helps bring you clarity.
For others, it might be clear that none of these examples quite capture the particular torture that is the situationship. They are not your friends, because they are more emotionally close than a friendship. Your situationship is not meant to be a stepping stone to something more, or a way to mourn the something more you had. It sort of already is something more. Sex isn’t really even the core component of the relationship - it is a part of the faux intimacy you’ve created. So, it would seem this is not really a type of FWBR.
What makes a situationship different?
A situationship is the worst version of a friends with benefits relationship. It is a relationship with all of the hallmarks of a committed dating relationship - emotional closeness, affectionate communication, and sexual behaviors - without a label or clarity (Langlais et al., 2024). It allows people to garner a false sense of intimacy or closeness in the relationship, but in turn, does not allow for open and honest discussions of the relationship. The result is that partners languish in frustration without an outlet to fix it.
Why does this happen? In a single word: uncertainty. When we do not have clarity in our relationship, our relationship suffers. At the most basic level, a label gives us that clarity - when we are in a committed relationship, we are held to mutually agreed upon boundaries and expectations, such as an expectation around exclusivity.
Without that label, we are left wondering. Do they like me as much as I like them? Do they like me at all? What is the future of this relationship? Is there a future for this relationship? Are they seeing other people? Am I allowed to see other people? Am I texting them too much? Can I ask to hang out? It is exhausting.
When we are in a heightened state of uncertainty we are less likely to ask the hard questions directly - we sit and stew in our ruminations and frustrations (Knobloch & Theiss, 2011). It is important to note that in a healthy and satisfying relationship, we have the ability to openly and honestly discuss relationship concerns. Without that, we suffer.
How can I get out of a situationship?
First, you need to be honest with yourself. Do you want a relationship with this person? Is it worth the effort to move into something more with them? If not - you need to break up with them. And yes, I said break up - because you are playing relationship without the definition, the reality is this may hurt for one or both of you. These conversations are not fun, but are necessary.
Second, if you want to move forward with them, you need to have a very direct conversation. “I like you, I don’t like not having clarity. I want to be in an exclusive relationship with you. How does that make you feel?” If they respond positively - great, you can be official! If they are wishy-washy or are clearly not ready to progress the relationship, you need to be prepared to walk away.
The kindest thing you can be is direct. “I’m sorry to hear you aren’t looking for the same thing I am. I am not interested in an uncommitted relationship. I hope we both can find what we are looking for.” When a relationship isn’t serving you, it is time to cut off contact and give yourself the space to heal.
Situationships allow others to take advantage of your aversion to discomfort. If I were to be generous, it allows people to avoid hard conversations. But, if I were to be extremely critical, a situationship allows people to have all of the benefits of a relationship without putting in work. It gives people plausible deniability of their obligations to the person they are seeing - they can be unburdened by committed relationship norms and expectations. It is time to kill the situationship for good.
References
Knobloch, L. K., & Theiss, J. A. (2011). Relational uncertainty and relationship talk within courtship: A longitudinal actor–partner interdependence model. Communication Monographs, 78(1), 3-26.
Langlais, M. R., Podberesky, A., Toohey, L., & Lee, C. T. (2024). Defining and describing situationships: An exploratory investigation. Sexuality & Culture, 28(4), 1831-1857.
Mongeau, P. A., Knight, K., Williams, J., Eden, J., & Shaw, C. (2013). Identifying and explicating variation among friends with benefits relationships. Journal of sex research, 50(1), 37-47.